I didn't make it. I'm waiting until my sadness turns to anger before I go face all the other people who were competing and didn't make it (I know a lot of them). I won't be able to joke about it if I'm still sad.

At first I was shocked, because I made the mistake of listening to people who love me tell me "Of course you'll get it. I think you'll win the State level" of course I would kind of brush it off like, whatever. But I really took it to heart, slowly, but surely. So when I found out I didn't make it it was that much harder.

I'm already feeling better though. I made it this far, that's something. It's not a lot, but it's something. I also feel like I had a lot of strikes against me. My high school was really small, and I never even had the chance to join a thespian troupe, and nearly all the finalists are in a troupe.

Uh-oh. I can feel my sadness turning to indifference. It's not allowed to do that! If my sadness turns to indifference then I almost always end up crying again, usually in front of people. I have to let my sadness turn to anger (not bitter anger at the judges or myself. Just a general anger to the competition. ;) ) and then it'll be gone for good.

I do feel a little angry, because it was very clear what they were looking for. However, I really want to talk to my judges and just ask them: why? Not because I want to say, "WHAT'S WRONG WITH YOU?!?! YOU SHOULD HAVE PICKED ME!" But because I really want to know what I could improve on.

Sorry. I'm rambling. Don't feel like you have to read all this, I just needed to type it out.

~Enna Isilee