Nope. It's over.

I didn't make it. I'm waiting until my sadness turns to anger before I go face all the other people who were competing and didn't make it (I know a lot of them). I won't be able to joke about it if I'm still sad.

At first I was shocked, because I made the mistake of listening to people who love me tell me "Of course you'll get it. I think you'll win the State level" of course I would kind of brush it off like, whatever. But I really took it to heart, slowly, but surely. So when I found out I didn't make it it was that much harder.

I'm already feeling better though. I made it this far, that's something. It's not a lot, but it's something. I also feel like I had a lot of strikes against me. My high school was really small, and I never even had the chance to join a thespian troupe, and nearly all the finalists are in a troupe.

Uh-oh. I can feel my sadness turning to indifference. It's not allowed to do that! If my sadness turns to indifference then I almost always end up crying again, usually in front of people. I have to let my sadness turn to anger (not bitter anger at the judges or myself. Just a general anger to the competition. ;) ) and then it'll be gone for good.

I do feel a little angry, because it was very clear what they were looking for. However, I really want to talk to my judges and just ask them: why? Not because I want to say, "WHAT'S WRONG WITH YOU?!?! YOU SHOULD HAVE PICKED ME!" But because I really want to know what I could improve on.

Sorry. I'm rambling. Don't feel like you have to read all this, I just needed to type it out.

~Enna Isilee


  1. Aw, I'm sorry to hear that. You have every right to be sad and angry. But the most important things is to not let it get you down--keep moving forward.

  2. I'm sorry to hear that as well.

    *sending you cyber hugs and chocolate*

    (Also, did you know LTUE is this weekend?)

  3. I know you put a lot of time and effort into this scholarship and you certainly have the right to be disappointed. Just know that you'll always be the winner in our book!!

  4. I know the feeling of wanting to know why. I always wonder when I don't get something I want.

  5. i'm so sorry to hear that! i'm sure your very disappointed and i agree with G that you have every right to be. hopefully something even more fabulous will come along your way....

  6. Hee hee. "G." That makes you sound like a rapper or something.

    I've actually had a really good day. I didn't go to my first class, but my others were pretty good.

  7. Well said! You're like a superhero! Lub you and stuff.

  8. Oh, Enna! I'm so sorry! I'm sure you tried your best, and it doesn't matter what those judges think -- just keep being a winner in our hearts.


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